Forgiveness: A Lords of Carnage MC Christmas Read online

  “What relationship?” I scoff. “There ain’t no relationship.”

  “That’s what I thought,” she huffs, turning away.

  “What?” I ask, spreading my hands even though she can’t see me. “What do you want me to say? What do you want out of me?”

  “I want you to consider someone other than yourself for once!” she shoots back.

  “What the fuck, Jewel? All I’ve been doin’ is thinking about the club!”

  “Not the club. Us. Your family. All of your family. Including him.”

  “Jesus, Jewel!” I close my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose. “I have no goddamn idea what you’re talking about!”

  “Hasn’t Abe paid his dues by now? He’s been out in the wilderness for years. Away from his home, his family, his friends. Imagine how alone he has been. And think about your children. Don’t our children deserve at least one grandparent?”

  “I don’t think —” I start to retort, and then hear the words she’s just said. Not child. Children. “Wait, hold up. Hold on a minute.” I reach over and grab her shoulder, rolling her back toward me. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” The corners of my mouth start to spread into a grin.

  But instead of the reaction I expect from her, Jewel blinks once, and then her eyes fill with tears.

  “No, that’s not what I meant,” she murmurs, her voice breaking at the end. “I just meant…”

  But a sob cuts her off.

  “Hey, hey, hey, wait a minuts. Shhh… shhh… Babe! What’s going on?”

  Jewel buries her face in her hands as she starts to cry. I pull her upright and draw her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her. She rocks against me, weeping, as I try to figure out what caused the sudden waterworks.

  Eventually, her crying slows. She puts her face against my chest. Then she pulls in one last shuddering breath and blows it out.

  “I… was trying to give you a Christmas present I knew you’d like. I was really hoping… I thought I was pregnant again.” She swallows, sniffling, and looks up at me. “I took a pregnancy test. I was going to wrap it up in a box with a bow. But it was negative. And then today, I got my period. So…”

  I gaze down at her stricken face. Ah. So that’s what’s got her feelin’ like this.

  “Babe. It’s okay.”

  “I just don’t know why it’s so hard this time.” She closes her eyes, shakes her head. “We got pregnant with Timothy almost as soon as we started trying.”

  I plant another kiss on her forehead. “I know you’re frustrated. But we already have the best little boy in the world. We’ll just have to keep trying. And that’s a pretty fuckin’ decent silver lining.”

  That gets a laugh out of her. “You’re always thinking about sex,” she giggles, the storm in her eyes beginning to clear.

  Just havin’ her say the word sends a bolt to my dick. “When you’re the one I get to have it with?” I say gruffly “How can you blame me?”

  Jewel gives me a tremulous smile. “Now you’re trying to charm me,” she smirks.

  “Is it working?” I move a hand down between her thighs, brushing my middle finger soft as I can over the soft folds of her pussy. Thank God this girl sleeps as naked as the day she was made.

  She stifles a moan. “Maybe.”

  “Well, then. Maybe we can get back to work on this baby-makin’ stuff. No time like the present.”

  I pull her to me, kiss her deep and long, the way that always makes her breathless. Fuck, it never gets old — the way her body melts against mine, the way her mouth responds to me. How she wants me. How I know it.

  When I end the kiss, her eyes are dark and heavy-lidded, and I know I’ve got her right where I want her.

  “Come here, babe,” I rasp.

  Those eyes lock on mine, Jewel’s lips parted, puffy and swollen. Wordlessly, she pushes back the covers, and moves on top of me, straddling me. I lift my head, drawing one hardening nipple into my mouth. She gasps, her hips angling on their own, straining to press against my hard cock. The heat, the wet of her, is already driving me crazy, knowing what it will feel like when I’m inside her. I lick and suck at one nipple, then the other, my need for her building, wanting nothing more than to flip her onto the bed, get on top of her, fuck the hell out of her. But this time, I want the rhythm to be hers. I want her to find her forgiveness of me on her own terms, the fight draining away from us in this coupling, this lust between us that only builds the longer we’re together.

  Jewel is moaning loudly now, so loud I think she might wake TJ, but I don’t stop her. She’s shuddering now with each lap of my tongue on her red little buds, her hips thrusting wildly with need. Sliding my hands under her ass, I lift her a little, until the head of my cock is sliding against her slick entrance. Instinct makes her push down, taking me deep inside her, and holy fucking shit, it’s as good as it is every single time.

  “Oh, God, yes,” she groans, her eyes fluttering closed.

  And then, sitting up, in all her fucking glorious nakedness, she begins to rock.

  “Angel,” she moans, “I’ve missed you… I’ve missed your cock.”

  Shit, I love it when she talks dirty. “Tell me more, baby.”

  “I need to… I need to come on your cock…” she breathes, gasping as she rocks, her perfect fucking breasts bouncing, back arched. She’s so fucking hot and wet and tight I feel like I’m gonna lose my goddamn mind as I move with her, letting her take the lead for once, my hands gripping her thighs. “I love it when you’re inside me, filling me up like this…”

  I move one hand from her thigh and graze my thumb softly against her clit. She gasps, her thighs clamping around me tighter as she starts to speed up the rhythm. She’s panting now, her words turning incoherent, and I urge her on, telling her all the dirty things I fucking love to do to her, and pretty soon she’s just moaning my name, over and over, and then her head falls back on her neck. “I’m going to come,” she whispers, but then she already is, and her pussy contracts around my cock, tight and hot. It sends me over the edge, and my balls clench and I let go, exploding inside her with a week of pent-up need and frustration, coming so hard it takes my breath, and by the end of it we’re both spent and gasping for air like we’ve just run a marathon.

  We lie there together afterwards, all the anger and tension between us gone, and everything somehow feels right again. Thank fuck.

  Within minutes, Jewel is snoring softly at my side.

  But unlike her, I have trouble falling asleep. My mind keeps replaying everything she said to me earlier tonight, before we made up. And also, what her fuckin’ smartass brother Jude said back at the clubhouse. What he said about needing to make things right with Jewel. But also what he said about Abe.

  “I bet you fucked up a time or two yourself, over the years.”

  I stifle a bark of laughter. Jude doesn’t know the half of it. One of my biggest fuck-ups ever was letting Abe disappear in the first place, in fact. And now I’m payin’ the price for it.

  At the time, I thought maybe I was makin’ the right choice, out of a series of shitty options. The only way I’ve ever been able to justify it to myself is that I didn’t do it for me. I could have cared less at the time whether Abe Abbott lived or died. But the thought of taking Jenna’s dad away from her — and having her know it was the MC that did it, that Ghost and I did it — pushed me in the only direction I could think to go.

  Goddamn, this shit with Abe has always been all sorts of fucked up. And now, years later, the decision about my father’s future falls to me once again.

  But this time around, it’s not only about him, and my sister, and my best friend.

  It’s about my wife, too. And my child. Our future as a family.

  And my future as president of the Lords of Carnage.

  9

  Angel

  “So you knew,” Striker says, fixing me with a hard stare. “And Ghost knew, too.”

  “Yeah.” I answer.

/>   Ghost nods.

  Beast, my VP, speaks up next. “Did you help him get away?”

  I turn to look at him. If things go bad here — as bad as they could — church today will end with him being named president of the club.

  “No,” I respond. “Abe took off on his own. I didn’t know he left until he was gone. I just agreed to let him disappear.”

  “Why did you do it?” Tank asks. “I want to hear your reasons, prez.”

  I take a deep breath, not sure what’s gonna come out when I open my mouth. I just start talking. I do my best to explain what happened. Why I made the choices I did. I don’t sugarcoat any of it. I ain’t gonna try to make this sound better than it is. Not to save my own skin or my power in the club. I won’t do that.

  “I knew Rock would want to end Abe,” I continue. “I knew he’d push for it in church. And at the time, I knew if I didn’t push just as hard, Rock wouldn’t waste time telling the other brothers he questioned my loyalty to the club. To him.” My jaw tenses. “My loyalty was to the club over anything else, any day of the week. But it pissed me the fuck off that it was still a question for Rock. He made me his VP, but he still didn’t fuckin’ trust me.

  “I’ll be honest with you all. At the time, I didn’t give a flyin’ fuck whether Abe lived or died. It wasn’t for me that I wanted to save Abe. It was for Jenna.” I look around the room. “Abe and I didn’t get along for shit. Anyone who knew us knew that. But I didn’t need him. I had my club. I had all of you. But Jenna… well, she didn’t have much of anything. Our mom was dead. She had a little kid to feed, and she was barely makin’ it as it was.” I turn to my brother-in-law. “And no offense, Ghost, but at that point, you two had just gotten together. I wasn’t sure you were gonna stick around for her.”

  He stares back at me, hard. “Fuck. You shoulda known better than that.”

  I lean back, scrub a hand over my face. “Maybe. Maybe not. But the fact is, she needed all the support she could get. If the club killed Abe, I knew she’d never forgive me. Or you for that matter, Ghost. So, not only would she lose her own father. She’d lose her brother at the same time, as well as the father of her child. I couldn’t do that to my sister.

  “So that’s why in the end, I let Abe go,” I conclude. “That’s my piece. I’ve said all I need to say.” I place my hands in front of me on the table. “This is your choice — the club’s choice — what to do with it. I ain’t Rock Anthony. I ain’t a prez who’s gonna force a vote on you. I’ll take whatever the fuck you decide. But I’ll ask you one thing.” I look at each of my brothers in turn. “Don’t drag Ghost into it. Whatever you choose, the club’s justice falls on me, and me alone.”

  “No, brother,” Ghost cuts in. “I kept this secret by my own choice. Whatever you all choose, I’ll accept it.”

  I sigh. “You’ll probably want me to leave now, so you can discuss this shit without me. Take a vote.” I grab the gavel and slide it over to Beast. “I’m handing you the gavel, Veep. You’re presiding over the rest of this meeting.”

  But Beast doesn’t take it. “Fuck that shit. If I’m in charge, you’re staying. Anything the Lords want to say, they can say it to your face.”

  “You sure?” I frown.

  “Damn right.”

  “All right, then.” I ease back into my chair. “My time for talkin’ is done. I’ve said everything I need to.”

  There’s a few moments of silence. No one seems to want to start.

  “This is some fucked-up shit, I gotta admit, prez,” Tank finally says, shaking his head. “I ain’t quite sure how to take it.”

  “You were between the mother of all rocks and hard places,” Thorn mutters. “Jaysus. I don’t envy you that, brother.”

  “Angel’s dad double-crossed the club with the Iron Spiders,” Striker says. “The club that wanted to end us. Take control over this territory.”

  Smiley, the old-timer, speaks up. “But they fuckin’ didn’t, did they?” He says with a slow grin. “We ended them. The Spiders were never a serious threat to us. Much as they wanted to be.”

  “But they coulda been,” Tank breaks in, face stony. “And it coulda been Angel’s dad who gave them the intel to do it.”

  “I remember back then.” Thorn growls. “And I remember Rock Anthony. You do, too. Let’s not forget, Rock was the one who started working with Abe Abbott under the table in the first goddamn place. Without the okay of the club, I hasten to fuckin’ add. Rock went his own way on shit. Always did. And you know what’s fucked up? Rock ended up betraying the club, too. Our own president. And far worse than Abe Abbott ever fuckin’ did, for my money.”

  Smiley speaks again. “Some of our brothers here today weren’t even around when all that shit happened with Abe.” He scans the room. “Bullet. Lug Nut. Hale. You all were patched in after Abbott disappeared. Tell me this: what fuckin’ purpose does it serve to pull all this shit up from the past? I agree with Thorn: Angel was in between a rock and a fuckin’ hard place. I don’t know what the fuck I’d’a done in his his place, and that’s the God’s honest truth.”

  “Bottom line is this,” Striker cuts in. “This is a question of loyalty to the club.”

  Smiley barks out a laugh. “Are we really gonna question Angel’s loyalty to the Lords? Or Ghost’s?”

  “The club never took a vote on what to do with Abe,” Hawk points out. “We thought the Spiders got to him and killed him off. But if we had taken a vote, you know who woulda wanted Abe Abbott dead most of all? Who woulda pushed the hardest for us to end him? Rock, that’s who. Our former fuckin’ president. The one who betrayed the Lords much goddamn worse than Abe did. Like Thorn said.”

  “If it’s loyalty we’re discussing,” Beast drawls, “Then we gotta talk about loyalty to who. Jenna is Angel’s sister, sure. But she’s part of the Lords family, too. This ain’t a question of one versus the other. I agree with Smiley. Angel’s our prez because we trust his judgment. And I for one trust his judgment a fuck of a lot more than I ever did Rock’s.”

  I listen to them all, tryin’ not to feel anything about what the outcome of all this might be. One or two of ‘em ask me a question, and I answer truthfully, no embellishment.

  In the end, Beast bangs the gavel and says it’s time to call a vote on whatever action, if any, to take.

  “I’m gonna leave for this,” I announce, standing. If I make it through all this and I’m still prez of the MC at the end of it, I don’t wanna know who voted against me. It’ll be easier to lead that way.

  And if I don’t… well, it won’t make much difference then, anyway.

  Silently, Ghost stands and follows me.

  Out in the main room, it’s quiet. Deserted, except for the lone prospect at the bar. He doesn’t look at us as he serves us our beers. He must know something’s up.

  “You know what the fuckin’ irony of this is?” Ghost smirks as he takes a drink. “As Sergeant at Arms, I’m in charge of stripping patches and colors from members who get expelled. So, am I gonna have to take our patches from… us?”

  “Maybe.” I leave all the expression out of my voice.

  “You really think they’d strip our patches?”

  “No. Honestly, I don’t.” I look down into my glass. “But here’s the thing. They deserved to know the truth. And they deserve to decide what to do about it. Shit, I shoulda told them about this long ago.” I shrug. “I guess I was tryin’ so hard to push Abe out of my mind, I actually succeeded.” I turn to Ghost. “Do you know, I hadn’t thought about him in so long, I kind of forgot he wasn’t really dead.”

  “And now that he’s back, what are you gonna do?”

  “Assuming the club doesn’t vote to take him out?” I snort. “I dunno. He’s nothin’ to me.”

  “Maybe. But he’s somethin’ to Jenna. And he wants to be, for the kids.”

  Ghost’s words echo in my head. And with them, what Jewel said to me two nights ago in bed:

  “Don’t our children deserve at
least one grandparent?”

  “With a grandparent like that…” I start to answer Ghost, but just then, the door to the chapel opens.

  Beast sticks his head out. “Come on in, brothers.”

  Ghost shoots me a glance, and we both stand, leaving our beers on the bar. We cross the room, and enter the chapel one by one. Ghost pulls the door closed behind us.

  I figure I’ll stand for what comes next.

  “There ain’t no reason to drag this out,” Beast drawls. “The vote was unanimous. You didn’t need to bring any of this to the club, Angel, but you did. This woulda been a non-issue if you hadn’t told us the truth of what happened. Our thinking is, there ain’t no bigger loyalty to the club than that.” He hands the gavel back to me. “Fuck it. I ain’t in no mood to be president, and you’d be a tough as shit act to follow.”

  I ain’t sure I’m hearing right. “So, what? You’re…”

  “We voted that it doesn’t matter. The past is the past. You got your record to back you up, and so does Ghost. You’re our prez. And we’re a better club for it.”

  My mouth is dry. I haven’t been letting myself think about the outcome of this thing one way or another.

  But now that I know it’s over, I realize I haven’t been this nervous since I was a prospect.

  I let out a soft curse. “Thank fuck. Ghost was tryin’ to figure out how it’d work for him to have to un-patch himself, and me.”

  Beast stands and barks out a laugh, clapping me on the back. The rest of my brothers follow. And the tension in the room releases like a balloon.

  “So,” I continue, looking around the room at each one of my brothers. “One last piece of business before we adjourn.”

  “What’s that?” Beast asks.

  “Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. The family party starts around five. But tonight?”

  I let myself grin for the first time since church started, and slam the gavel on the table.

  “Tonight is for the Lords!”

  10